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About this blog

The red-headed step-blog of Retromags.com

Entries in this blog

Survival Horror Without the Horror - Disaster Report (PS2)

Yes, you read the title correctly: 'Survival Horror without the horror.' "What the hell are you talking about, Areala?" Glad you asked. You'll note that if you remove 'horror' from 'survival horror' you are left with just one thing: survival. And while this description could apply to a great many games since nearly every video game has "not dying" as one of its prerequisites for winning, there's something to be said for a game that tries to take a different approach to things. Disaster Repo
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1

Lost In The Move

Often when a game is ported from one region of the world to another, significant changes are made, not least of which is usually an attempt to translate and localize the game for a new audience. Sometimes things are removed or altered for sociological reasons; a rather famous example is the graphical changes that accompanied Final Fantasy IV and Final Fantasy VI for the Super NES thanks to Nintendo of America's stricter policy on drinking and sexual themes in their games as compared to Nintendo
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Theresia (DS) - Point and Click and Die

I had to have it. The minute I laid eyes on it in my local game store, I knew that it was coming home with me. If there's one thing I'm a gigantic sucker for, it's horror-themed games. And as soon as I took Theresia off the shelf and read the description, I knew there was no chance I was leaving the store with exactly the same amount of money as I walked in with. No chance in hell. Theresia is a point-and-click adventure game developed with more...mature...themes in mind. We've seen
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4

Lost Classics - Kya: Dark Lineage (PS2)

Released in 2003 to very little fanfare by a company that was known only for producing driving simulators, Kya: Dark Lineage came out of nowhere as a 3D platformer that was ambitious to make itself heard in a world that was already overcrowded to the point of bursting. No doubt, many gamers looked at the simple cover art and the fact that it was developed by Eden Games (who?), and dismissed it outright as being unworthy of their attention without even the respect of a rental. This is a
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7

DOS Fun - Daughter of Serpents

Combing through the archives, I thought it would be fun to review some classic games here in the blog, and since adventure games have always been enjoyable to me, I decided to write about a quirky and unique but often frustrating and entirely too short one from the DOS era. "Daughter of Serpents" (also released later on CD-ROM and re-titled "The Scroll") is a point-and-click graphics adventure along the lines of King's Quest or Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis. But while those titles wer
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Borderlands - More Mad Max Than Fallout 3

I was very nervous picking up Borderlands. Sure, I'd read all the reviews that said what a fun game it was and all, but after all, I already have Fallout 3. Did I really need another game set in a post-nuclear style area where everybody is searching for a Vault? I plucked up my courage, deposited my money at the local game store, drove home and discovered that, yes, I absolutely did need another post-nuclear style game that has 87 bazillion different types of guns. Keep in mind, I'm playing
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3

Amusing Product Placement In Video Games

If you don't remember the third-person action/survival horror title "Run Like Hell: Hunt or Be Hunted," don't be too disappointed with yourself. It's understandable. After all, the game was in development for five years, went through producers, artists and programmers like wood chippers going through storm-tossed trees, and saw a 100% code rewrite starting 10 months from its shipping date. The fact that it even landed on the market in 2002 is a wonder in itself. RLH, as it is most commonly a
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5

Be Excellent to Each Other 2009

As the saying goes, better late than never. In this case, it's just because I found out about it, it's on Friday the 23rd, and thus I have way, way less than 24 hours to write this post about why you wish that you lived in Minnesota right now. "Be excellent to each other." It was good advice when Bill S. Preson, Esq. & Ted Theodore Logan gave it to us back in 1989, and it's especially good advice today. Because in this case, being excellent means kicking out the jams and pulling out all
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0

Creeps For Free: Divi-Dead

WARNING!! WARNING!! WARNING!! WARNING!! This blog entry deals with a game that features adult subject matter, including adult language, mature sexual themes, and graphic depictions of violence. If you are easily offended by such things or have not reached the age of consent for your area of residence, please do not read any further or click on any links featured within. In keeping with this month's recurring horror theme, I'm cranking it up a bit (hopefully without violating any posting r
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5

Doing It Right: The Jump-Scare

Let's face it - if you've been gaming for as long as I have, it's quite likely that your first exposure to a game that threatened to actually make you change your underpants was Resident Evil. And if there's one area in Resident Evil that is more likely to have actually made you need to change your undies than any other, it was one of the most infamous jump-scares in video game history: when the dogs break through the outside windows and into the narrow hallway. Even if you suspected something
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2

A Little October Fright

Note: this is a cross-post of an editorial that I wrote for Intelligent Gamer, another gaming site that I contribute to on a semi-regular basis. I figured it was gaming related, though not video game related, and deserved a spot here on my blog. And actually, as of about 5:30 today, the article hasn't appeared on IG's website, so you get a sneak preview of it here first! Who loves ya, babes? * * * * * Thirteen Little Scary Story Starters At a loss for something to creep out your role
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2

An Important Public Service Announcement

The safety of children online is not just my responsibility or your responsibility or the parents' responsibility. It is everyone's responsibility. Online, children are exposed to things that were never meant to be seen or heard by the young or the old. As an example of this, and a reminder to all of our Retromags readers to take this kind of thing seriously, I give you the following public service message in its entirety. Use this image. Keep this image. Post it on your break room
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4

Where Did You Get Your (Nick)Name?

I've gotten a few PMs since I joined up at Retromags from other members asking me what my name means, or where it came from, so I figured it would be a good idea to answer that question out in the open, once and for all. First of all, Areala is not a misspelling (intentional or otherwise) of "areola". One is my user name, the other is a part of the body. Just figured I should get that out of the way. Those of you who were reading small-press comics in the mid-90s may have guessed where my n
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4

Areala Goes Up A Level!

On my PS3, that is. It's been a long, hard battle, but I have finally achieved Level 7 in terms of my trophy score. I've put a lot of hours into getting those suckers, and I'm quite happy to see that it is paying off. My proudest achievement is still earning the Platinum trophy for Dead Space; beating that game on Impossible mode was hell on earth, but I slogged through it and earned my just reward. So far, it's the only game I have managed to get a Platinum for, though I am close with Fall
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0

Natalie Portman + Diablo = ?

Another one of my favorite Easter Eggs. Boot up Diablo (the original) and use Print Screen to grab a copy of the title screen where you can start a new game and whatnot. Now, close the game, open up your favorite image editor program, and use the Paste command to dump the screen image into the program. You should get something that looks like this: Looks innocuous so far, right? Big red demon, some title screen junk, and nothing at all about Natalie Portman. As a wise Jedi once note
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2

Most Memorable Battles: Super Metroid

Spoiler Alert: This blog entry describes the plot and final battle of Super Metroid on the SNES. If you haven't played this game to completion and do not want the ending spoiled, you shouldn't read any further. I grew up gaming. One of my earliest memories, in fact, is of my father holding me up in front of a pinball machine (the Gorgar table) and helping me hit the buttons on the flippers so that I could bounce the silver ball around. I think I lasted all of about twenty seconds, but wow, w
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2

Computers Learn to Abuse

Most people who have spent any significant portion of time around computers are aware of the style of program known as a "chatbot". This is a simple piece of software programmed with some degree of artificial intelligence that can "interpret" what a user is typing, and then attempt to carry on a conversation with that person. Really good ones can often fool the general public, and every so often, someone will write one and unleash it on some unsuspecting chatroom and then sit back and watch th
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4

Another Nifty Easter Egg

The last Easter Egg-themed blog entry that I wrote was about the weirdest secret I had ever seen in a video game. This one isn't quite as bizarre, but it is a fun story that you may have heard before and in my opinion, is worth telling again. So, when was the last time you got to kill your own boss (without fear of legal repercussion)? The short answer for all of you is (hopefully) "Never." For the members of iD Software circa 1994, however, the answer was, "As often as we want to." It was
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2

Little Smile Makers: Link's Awakening

Fair warning: Spoilers abound from here on out. If you haven't played the game, leave now or suffer the indignity of having one of the best Game Boy games ruined for you without playing through it yourself. The appearance of the beloved "Legend of Zelda" series on the Game Boy was a reason to rejoice for many series fans, giving gamers hours of entertainment while they explored the little island of Koholint, a place that was but a dot on the Hyrulian map, and yet seemed to contain far more secr
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4

When Anti-Piracy Schemes Backfire

Piracy itself is a topic for another blog entirely, so tonight we're just going to focus on Titan Quest itself and showcase a small sample of what happens when you take anti-piracy schemes to the next level. You remember Titan Quest, don't you? Of course you don't. It was developed by the now-defunct Iron Lore Entertainment, and published by THQ, Inc, and it was targeted at the market of people who were waiting for Blizzard to get around to releasing Diablo III. And like most every other PC
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6

Areala's "what If..." Game Design: Tomb Of Horrors (Part Three)

Areala's "What If..." Game Design series is a partially-serious, partially-tongue-in-cheek, completely-hyphen-laden look at what would happen if things that are not currently video games were turned into video games under her supervision. Part Three In part two of this series, we looked at the problem of difficulty, and the pros and cons of a straight-up room-for-room conversion of the original Tomb of Horrors module. This part will look at the persona that the player will take on when he
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Areala's "what If..." Game Design: The Tomb Of Horrors (Part Two)

Areala's "What If..." Game Design series is a partially-serious, partially-tongue-in-cheek, completely-hyphen-laden look at what would happen if things that are not currently video games were turned into video games under her supervision. Part Two In Part One of this series, we talked about the history of the Tomb of Horrors adventure and we picked our perspective choice. If you haven't read it, please start there. All others, ignore that "Abandon All Hope..." sign hanging in front of
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Areala's "what If..." Game Design: The Tomb Of Horrors (Part One)

Areala's "What If..." Game Design series is a partially-serious, partially-tongue-in-cheek, completely-hyphen-laden look at what would happen if things that are not currently video games were turned into video games under her supervision. Part One Our first foray into this strange and uncharted world of would-be game design merges two of Areala's most favorite things: Dungeons & Dragons and adventure games in an effort to create the ultimate player-slaying nastyfest. I speak of none
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1

So You Bought A Crappy Game...

Here's the situation: you've been anticipating a title for months. The hype has been extraordinary, the press coverage relentless, the previews have all been favourable, and you, by golly, have just got to have it. So you went to the local shop where you satisfy your gaming itch, picked up your very own copy, got home, threw it into your system, and... ...boy did it suck. Seriously, you think to yourself, what the hell were they thinking? Then, you turn the blame inwards. What the hell wer
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2

Weirdest Easter Egg Ever?

We all know Easter Eggs. Not the kind the bunny goes around hiding, but the little hidden things programmers and designers leave in the game for players to find. Most commonly, these are debugging codes that allow you to skip levels, fill your inventory, max your powers, become invulnerable or other tools that let testers whisk quickly from one place to another without having to play the game from the start time after time after time. Less commonly, you'll find things like hidden playable cha
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