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Ancient Graffiti

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Archaeologists attempting to learn more about Pompeii have begun delving into more than just its architecture and artwork. Now they're cataloging and translating graffiti found on various walls throughout the city. It's amusing to read, and it appears that our ancestors tended to dwell on the topics of sex, eating, drinking, one-upsmanship and pooping just as much as we do today.

You can read a good-size sample of what they've found over here:

Some of my favorites:

"Theophilus, don’t perform oral sex on girls against the city wall like a dog." (Really, man, use the ground like everyone else!)

"I have buggered men." (Short and to the point...)

"If anyone does not believe in Venus, they should gaze at my girl friend." (I've thought this about Jess many-a-time).

"It took 640 paces to walk back and forth between here and there ten times." (This is what happens when you don't have video games.)

"If anyone sits here, let him read this first of all: if anyone wants a screw, he should look for Attice; she costs 4 sestertii." (Written on a bench, not a bathroom wall.)

"Chie, I hope your hemorrhoids rub together so much that they hurt worse than when they every have before!" (Some ancient precursor to the "your momma" joke, perhaps?)

"The one who buggers a fire burns his penis." (He tested it twice, just to be sure.)

"Secundus says hello to his Prima, wherever she is. I ask, my mistress, that you love me", "Secundus likes to screw boys", "Secundus says hello to all his friends", and "Secundus defecated here" (written three different times on the same wall). (Secundus was something of a delinquent in his day).

"Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!" (I'm crying, all right, but only because I'm laughing so hard!)



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